The Not So Welcome Matt
Bri's red headed annnoying gothic friend Matt has a mission. Come over and find his way into my heart like a nail.
I used to like this kid many years ago, when he just stood there with that dumb-assed look on his face and didn't say anything. When he began doing stupid things like purposely getting himself run over by a car to see if he could survive it, drilling holes into his ears, cutting himself with glass, walking around a park for 72 hours consecutively, locking himself in a closet for 48 hours, submerging himself in blocks of ice to see if he could get frostbite in the appropriate place, snort crushed up smarties candies on my kitchen table at 3 am, breaking his 10th rib, so he can flex his torso and orally...uh huh... and staying awake for 1 week and then sleeping for one week, well then he was amusing.
But now....NOW, this kid's mission is to come over every night, harass me about the Yankees, stink up my house with cheap cigars, try to tell me I don't know good Italian food while relieving me of my groceries. Once I woke up at 4 am and found him doing jumping jacks in my living room. I gave him the nickname 3rd Shift, because he'd come over at 11, he and Bri would be up all night and then he'd go home to go to bed in the AM.
But as of this past few days he is about to carry his mission 1 step further. His quest has extended itself to try to get my daughter to be the object of his affection. I assure you, this is never going to happen, if it does, it will be over my dead body. They think I'm like DiNiro now, they haven't seen crap yet!
There are two people that my Emy will not become involved with whether she likes it or not, both are named Matt and Emy knows she can expect to be shot on sight if she ever gets near either one.
I used to like this kid many years ago, when he just stood there with that dumb-assed look on his face and didn't say anything. When he began doing stupid things like purposely getting himself run over by a car to see if he could survive it, drilling holes into his ears, cutting himself with glass, walking around a park for 72 hours consecutively, locking himself in a closet for 48 hours, submerging himself in blocks of ice to see if he could get frostbite in the appropriate place, snort crushed up smarties candies on my kitchen table at 3 am, breaking his 10th rib, so he can flex his torso and orally...uh huh... and staying awake for 1 week and then sleeping for one week, well then he was amusing.
But now....NOW, this kid's mission is to come over every night, harass me about the Yankees, stink up my house with cheap cigars, try to tell me I don't know good Italian food while relieving me of my groceries. Once I woke up at 4 am and found him doing jumping jacks in my living room. I gave him the nickname 3rd Shift, because he'd come over at 11, he and Bri would be up all night and then he'd go home to go to bed in the AM.
But as of this past few days he is about to carry his mission 1 step further. His quest has extended itself to try to get my daughter to be the object of his affection. I assure you, this is never going to happen, if it does, it will be over my dead body. They think I'm like DiNiro now, they haven't seen crap yet!
There are two people that my Emy will not become involved with whether she likes it or not, both are named Matt and Emy knows she can expect to be shot on sight if she ever gets near either one.
posted by CuzzinDave at 11:14 PM
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